Are you starting to get annoyed at things your partner does that normally would not bother you? Are you yearning for a moment by yourself to just think clearly without an interruption?
Especially while social distancing and spending a lot more time at home with your loved ones, intimacy overload can be painful and overwhelming.
What should you do if you feel annoyed by your family while cooped up together during the coronavirus pandemic? Keep reading for some great advice to calm your emotions and be more relaxed around your loved ones.
Too Much Time Together, Intimacy Overload
First of all, what is intimacy overload?
It is the feeling that arises when you need space from your intimate relationships to recharge, have your social and emotional needs met in other ways, and take time for yourself. It is the feeling of annoyance and a desire to run away from your family or partner. These are the people you love, and yet you crave leaving your home and getting away for a while. Kind of hard to do during a pandemic, right?
Don’t worry, I have good news for you.
It is normal to feel overwhelmed especially when your regular routine is disrupted. Before the coronavirus, you may have spent more time at work or engaging with other people that acted as a buffer to intimacy overload.
We have learned from research studies that rats become more aggressive and tended to attack each other when cramped together in overcrowded spaces. Conversely, when rats had more space, they returned to their normal and less aggressive behavior.
What can you do to resolve feelings of annoyance?
- Breathe deeply and accept that these feelings of annoyance and irritation are normal given the current condition of the pandemic. It is highly likely you will get more easily upset with your loved ones because you are spend nearly 100% of your time with the same people and have limited outside stimulus.
- Find the place in your home where you can be alone for a while. It could be a bathroom or a storage room. Take a moment to think about your family and how you want to treat your family during this hard time. Just the process of thinking about how you would like to treat them will turn on your prefrontal cortex problem solving part of your brain and relax your amygdala anxiety portion of your brain. Think of specific phrases you can say that express your needs but are also kind. Having a plan for how to address common conflict you are experiencing with your family also reduces your personal stress. Need help formulating what to say? Email me at [email protected]
- Understand the reason behind your feelings. It could be that you might project your fears and frustration onto your family. Maybe you lost money in the stock market, dislike restrictions on your daily life, or you are terrified about getting the virus? Watching the news can also negatively affect your mood. It is easy to assume your loved ones are the source of your anxiety instead of the true underlying cause… the pressure and stress caused by the pandemic. What can you do instead? Start a journal capturing your thoughts and emotions. Try to also include things you are grateful for which will improve your mood. Writing helps activate your prefrontal cortex and relax your amygdala. I also recommend yoga and meditation. Oprah and Deepak have a meditation called “Hope in uncertain times” that is specifically for the pandemic. When you take specific action to improve your mood, the little things your family does that usually causes conflict will annoy you less.
- Communicate with your partner. After calming down, have a direct talk with your partner and share what you feel and what you need. Partners in a healthy relationship will understand and give you some space, even if that space is a small bathroom. Take time to recharge. Make a commitment to do an activity that relaxes you at least three times a week and block off that time on your calendar. Try reading a book, listening to a favorite podcast, dance around your house listening to music, or just take a hot bath. Investing in this time will help you better handle the stress of being cooped up with your family.
It can be easier to yell at your loved ones and blame them for your anxiety than to take time to understand why you feel the way that you do, and course correct. Don’t forget you have control over your reactions and behaviors. You may not be able to do anything about the pandemic, but you can do things that will help calm your emotions and create a healthier and happier environment.
Wishing you many moments of happiness with your loved ones,
Emily
Need more help? Email me at [email protected]