Do you feel lonely often? What can you do to feel better when you feel lonely a lot? Here are some steps to take if you’re battling with sadness or loneliness.
1. Look for a Medical Underlying Cause
I highly recommend speaking with your doctor about vitamin deficiencies specifically low vitamin D, B12, folic acid, iron, and magnesium. Your body may have difficulty absorbing vitamins in a particular method. A simple blood test can give you direct answers and a quick vitamin shot in the arm can change your mood within an hour.
For example, you might have difficulty absorbing vitamin B-12 from your food and a shot would alleviate any deficiency. With Covid-19 altering our lifestyles, less sun, and access to a variety of foods, you might not be getting the right nutrition to thrive. Also, your doctor can look at your thyroid, sleep apnea, and other medical causes that might be affecting your mood. There is a reason why doctors always include depression and anxiety as a symptom on the form you fill out before your visit; These can be symptoms of an underlying medical condition and can contribute to feelings of being isolated and alone.
2. Examine Your Thoughts
What happened right before you got this feeling of loneliness? What was the trigger? What meaning did you assign to that event? The feelings of loneliness are often associated with the thought “I don’t belong” or feeling rejected. Oftentimes, when we stop and problem-solve the specific event that occurred instead of adding painful thoughts about what this event means to our self-worth, we get better outcomes.
For example, if you are looking through Facebook posts and see friends happily married and bonding during the pandemic, your first thought might be “what’s wrong with me? Why haven’t I found someone?” These generic fears are hard to solve because they are vague.
Instead, focus your energy on solutions, “Wow, I really enjoy seeing the happiness and family bonding of my friends. How can I connect to those feelings for myself? Maybe I will pick up the phone and call a friend and catch up? Or maybe I will invest energy into improving my love life?” Let your feelings motivate you to change that aspect of your life instead of sitting in feelings of pain and regret.
3. Proactively Create a list of things or events where you feel loved and belong
Want to stop feeling alone? When was the last time you felt loved and connected? Get curious about what was going on that caused those feelings to occur inside of you. Were you laughing with a good friend? Listening to a public speaker like Brene Brown talk about vulnerability? Were you building a house for Habitat for Humanity with your church group? Notice how purpose-driven activity can drive away feelings of loneliness.
In general, if you feel grateful, helping someone else, doing an activity with a team, connecting with another person’s vulnerability, or doing something for a higher purpose or vision, you are feeling loved and connected which drives away feelings of loneliness. Here is the trick: make your list and do things intentionally to proactively lessen feelings of loneliness. When your feelings of loneliness come up, take that as a sign to go find your list and start an activity immediately.