I have to be honest: I wasn’t always a love expert.
In my mid-thirties, I was wholly in love with a guy named Chris. Our relationship started great. Chris showered me with gifts, admiration, and love letters. He pursued me so vigorously that I thought: “He is the one. Finally!”
Before Chris, I was terrified of missing out on my chance to fall in love and start a family.
I began noticing that the older I got, the more frustrating dating became. When I went to parties or bars, fewer men approached me or asked for my number. If I did go on a date, I thought the guy was weird, or too sweet without any spark.
Chris made me feel attractive and desired. I hadn’t felt this way in a very long time.
But after a few months of dating Chris, he started to pull away. I did not want to return to the singles world, knowing how painful dating had already become.
I invited him for a free trip to Mexico for my friend’s wedding. I desperately wanted to make this relationship work. The attraction to him was addictive. I thought the wedding on a beach in Mexico would be the perfect romantic setting to reconnect.
At the end of the trip, we were at the airport, and my passport had expired. The airline would not let me board the plane to get back to the United States. Chris looked at me and said, “I’m so sorry, but I have to go. Work needs me on Monday.”
He left me in Mexico! On a trip I paid for!
I felt embarrassed and hurt. Luckily, one of my friends from the wedding stayed an extra day and let me sleep in her hotel room. I cried hard that night.
It was definitely over between Chris and me.
I never wanted my husband to disrespect me so severely and leave me in an airport. Yet, I still wanted to be with Chris! What was wrong with me? I just felt so sad that I couldn’t make it work out and that I would have to get back to dating again.
There had to be a better way to find love.
Maybe there is something based on facts. I had to know, “What was I doing wrong?”
- At first, I looked at “love experts.” I read the book, “The Rules,” which was all about being more feminine, mysterious, and never asking about how he felt about you or where the relationship heads. Let him lead, and eventually, he will ask you for marriage. Men like to pursue you, not the other way around. This advice made me feel upset and small. Did I need to play such games and trick a man into liking me?
- The next thing I did, I bought “Attract Him Now” videos. They were all about understanding the male mind and what words men want to hear from women. The guy who taught the class reminded me of Chris. He even admitted to being a “former” player. Again, following this advice made me feel inauthentic.
I thought about it for a long time and decided to find my own answers.
With a professional career in engineering, I applied my scientific mindset to find out how love works. I started reading scientific journals and books on psychology, physiology, neuroscience, genetics, and biochemistry. During my research, I discovered the critical relationship skills that made soulmate love possible based on 30 years of research on 1000’s of happy couples.
Indeed, the common theme of successful relationships has nothing to do with traditional gender roles or superficial interactions based on ex-player love guru recommendations.
I Found a Therapist
In addition to studying everything I could get my hands on when it came to love, I also found a fantastic therapist who helped me understand what was holding me back from making that loving connection. To be honest, I struggled to overcome a sexual assault in my twenties that left me feeling numb. It was difficult for me to fall in love with a nice person.
By healing from my trauma, I learned about brain chemistry, how the brain stores memories, and how that affects your ability to love. I learned how to change my limiting beliefs, regulate my emotions, and change my body’s physical response to be more receptive to love. I learned how to set boundaries, identify toxic people, and understand the characteristics of men capable of love.
Most importantly, I learned the essential relationship skills necessary to blend two lives. I changed my behaviors and interactions on dates, and I started to feel more of a connection to safe, healthy, mature men. Each time was a learning opportunity to get better and better at the essential relationship skills.
Eventually, I met the love of my life – my husband, Aaron!
Fast Forward to Now
Every day I wake up, and I am so excited to spend the day with my husband and son. We just keep getting healthier and stronger together. I am so thankful for the science that showed me how to create this powerful love and connection.
It made me believe that everyone deserves to find love, but not everyone knows how to create a lasting connection.
My mission for now on is to spread the science of how love works. I want everyone to feel the joy that I have with my family.
There was a time in my life that I felt I was never going to get married. It just wasn’t going to happen for me. The pain your encounter I understand fully. The science would make that pain to go away, making you more receptive to a loving, fantastic relationship.
I want to finish this post with words of gratitude. Thanks to my therapist for helping me to understand and transform myself. I am blessed to find my love and I want everyone to find their love as well!
I would love to become your love expert and relationship coach! Connect with me if you need help!
Take care,
Your Emily