Valentine’s day is a natural time for people to evaluate their dating prospects whether they are single or in a committed relationship. One question that is on people’s minds is, “Will this date turn into soulmate love that lasts a lifetime? Is this Mr. Right, or Mr. Right now?”
How do you create healthy, loving relationships by selecting partners that are ready for love and avoid wasting time entering into toxic relationships with people that cause pain and heartache?
Here are the Four Traits of Someone Ready for Love
- Empathy: Most people are familiar with the word “empathy” but have a hard time knowing how to properly assess it in the early stages of a relationship. Signs of empathy include: They take the time to think about you and ask meaningful questions. They engage in conversation to understand life from your point of view. They want to know what events are happening in your life and how they affect you. They want to discover your personality, values, and character. They care about your wants, needs, likes, dislikes, and preferences. If their stories are all about them and they never ask you meaningful questions, don’t date them. They are not ready. If you desire a soulmate relationship, you need a partner who displays empathy – who enjoys seeing the world through your eyes.
- Maturity: How does your potential partner react under stress? What happens when something goes wrong or has an unexpected result? Do they react calmly? Do they look introspectively at their contribution to the issue? You do not want to be with someone who gets turned off, upset, shames/blames you, or uses the silent treatment to get their way. You want a partner who can effectively solve problems, who is flexible and acts with maturity. A great way to test someone’s maturity is to say “no” within the first three dates and see how they react (Did they listen? Adjust their behavior? How well did they problem-solve?). You want someone who sees your “no” as instructions on how to love you better and not a personal attack or threat to their ego. You will easily weed out toxic people with a simple “no.” You will also strengthen your bond with a healthy person when you say “no.” And, yes, it takes guts to say “no.”
- Appropriateness: Is your date appropriate for the length of time they have known you? Are they too sexually aggressive? Too idealistic in immediately dreaming of you being “the one”? It is ok to get excited about someone, but most of the time when a person verbalizes that “you are the one,” but barely knows you, they are either emotionally immature or trying to manipulate you. Neither is good in a long-term relationship. Is he/she asking for money? Is he/she asking for help or pity? Again, none of these are good. You want someone who gets to know you slowly over time and waits a certain amount of dates to open up to you emotionally and sexually. Moving too fast is a sign that they are not ready for a relationship.
- Reciprocity: Is your date equally investing in the relationship? Are they putting in the same amount of energy and effort as you? Reciprocity is a fundamental principle in building trust in a relationship. If your person is not matching, it could mean they are not ready, yet, and you should reduce your intensity and investment in them. If they do not match your efforts over a longer period of time, it may mean they are not ready for a commitment with you and you should consider letting them go. With this approach, you can slow down your idealism of an unavailable person and the potential of a relationship with them. You can also dial up the intensity with someone that really does want to be with you, without burning out the relationship, because you are testing their comfort with intimacy in real-time and building trust by matching.
As a dating coach, relationship expert, and international speaker, I have had the opportunity to help people better understand the behaviors of someone capable of soulmate love. I have studied the science behind how love works and have identified four main traits of people capable of developing a soulmate type of love that lasts.